Forgiveness

"Anyone can hold a grudge, but it takes a person with character to forgive. When you forgive, you release yourself from a painful burden. Forgiveness doesn't mean what happened was OK, and it doesn't mean that person should still be welcome in your life. It just means you have made peace with the pain, and are ready to let it go."

                                           ~Unknown

Have you ever had to ask someone for forgiveness? Has anyone ever asked you for forgiveness?

I have experienced both. Neither were easy. Both were liberating.

Why is it so difficult to give and receive forgiveness? Is it because we are too stubborn to admit we were wrong? Is it because we are too self righteous to humble ourselves before the person we wronged? What is it?

We are called to forgive– it doesn’t matter what has been done to us, it doesn’t matter if that person even WANTS to be forgiven– we are to forgive them.

Why?

For one, God asks us to forgive because God forgives. If God is willing to forgive our sins– no matter how big or small– who are we to determine which sins committed against us are worthy of forgiveness? Are we better or more mighty than God? No. If we can’t find a way to forgive others, why should God forgive us? We are no better or worse than anyone else.

Second, by holding on to anger, sadness and pain, we are truly hurting ourselves far more than the person who wronged us.  Forgiveness is letting go of our right to hurt someone for hurting us.

It’s not about revenge, people. It’s not about holding on to forgiveness for fear of “allowing” it to happen again.

I’m not saying forget what has happened. I’m not saying get over it or even give them a second chance. All I’m saying is allow yourself the right and the freedom to forgive. Hand it to God– the anger, the sadness, allowing someone to hold you back when you are in genuine need to move forward– give it all to God.

Most of us know how difficult it is to ask for forgiveness when we have done something truly wrong. Most of us know how terrifying it is to fear our pleas will be rejected. Still we are to ask. That is all we can do. When we are genuinely sorry for our actions, and we ask forgiveness, whether the person we have wronged forgives us or not– God does. One hundred percent of the time– regardless the sin.

But I encourage you to think next time you are angry with someone. If they are truly sorry for what they have done, allow them the grace that God allows us and forgive them. If they are not sorry for what they have done, allow yourself the grace that God allows us and forgive them. You do not need to carry the burden of someone else’s wrongdoings. God is big enough and strong enough and capable enough to take it all. Take a deep breath and say, “I forgive you” out loud– whether you mean it or not– every day, and it will happen.  

Because God is good. All the time.

God's Will, Not Mine

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~Jeremiah 29:11

The other day, I asked my daughter to pick up her toys off the living room floor so no one would step or trip on them. She responded, “NO! I’m NOT going to do it!”

Wow, this, from a normally kind, gentle, well-behaved child! What’s the deal? I thought.

My request wasn't that big, and it certainly wasn't cause for that kind of response.

“Why aren't you going to clean up the floor?” I asked.

She replied, “I just want to play outside. And if we’re outside, no one will step on or trip over the toys anyway.”

Touché.

However, I had more than one reason for wanting her to pick up her toys-responsibility, ownership, leadership, following directives, etc.

So I asked again.

How many times does God have to ask us to do something before we finally give in and do it? Often times, we feel a “pull” or “push” from God and we do the same thing my daughter did; we throw a little tantrum of our own. We tell God we don’t feel like it. We tell God we will do it later. We ignore that God might have more than the one obvious reason for asking us to do something.

It’s easy for us to want to control our own lives. It’s easy to think we know what is best for ourselves and our children. We are wrong.

God only wants what is best for us, and even when situations don’t end as we expect-God is there, still guiding us, still knowing and understanding far more than our mind’s capabilities.

Perhaps, my daughter’s tantrum is a good lesson for all of us. We, as adults, clearly see the benefits of cleaning up her toys. We understand things she won’t even have the capabilities to understand for several years. We only want what is best for our children. And God only wants what is best for us.

Sometimes, God has to make a request multiple times. Sometimes, God has to rephrase the question. God loves us beyond any love we can understand. God knows what is best for us even when it doesn't make sense at the time. It may take months, or even years for our choices to make sense-and to be quite honest-some of our choices may not ever make sense and might not ever seem to pay off...but we know there is more than we can understand. We know that God’s plan is MUCH bigger than ours, and we know that

God is good. All the time.

Look Up

It’s been a rough couple of weeks. Between people around me dying at unbelievably young ages, youth struggling with depression, suicidal thoughts, and self-destructing addictions, and the inability to answer the “why do bad things happen to good people” any better than the last time it was asked of me- I’m not sure which way to turn...so my only option-my only solace, it to look up.

“I look up to the mountains.  Does my strength come from the mountains? No.  My strength comes from God, who made heaven, and earth, and mountains.”

There is nowhere else to go. My answers will not come from the mountains. My strength will not come from another person. My answer is God.

And when I don’t know what to say, or how to answer a tough question, or why my cousin’s wife died at 21 or why my youth are battling bulimia, family problems, depression, anxiety, drug addiction, and suicide attempts...I pray.

There is a strange comfort in prayer. There is a comfort in knowing, deep down, God is with me. When I allow God to handle these situation, God will use me to fulfill His work. When I cling to God, I cannot fail.

Jeremiah spent his entire earthly life doing God’s work and being rejected. From a world view, it would have appeared as though Jeremiah failed miserably. However, as you and I know, that was not the case. If I hold tight to God, I cannot fail.

That’s a tough lesson to grasp.  If I’m being honest, I would have to say prayer is both unbelievably powerful and simultaneously unbelievably challenging.

Did I pray right? Can I ask for something and still truly want God’s will to be done? How will I know God’s answer? When will I know the answer? How can I get God’s love through to these kids when they aren't even feeling love from the people in their own homes? Are you there, God? 

It’s okay to feel confused, alone, frustrated...even angry. While dying on the cross, even Jesus prayed the desperate Psalm, “my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Truthfully, I don’t know why bad things happen. I don’t believe God makes them happen. I don’t believe God enjoys watching us grieve and mourn and suffer.

I don’t know why drugs and death and cancer and pain cannot go away. I don’t know why “bad things happen to good people,” or why hearts break or families fall apart. I don't know. 

What I do know is that God wants to hear from us. God wants to hear us when we are angry just as much as when we are happy. If anyone can handle our yelling, our screaming, and our tears, it is God. God wants to use us and help us and allow us to help one another. God’s plan is much larger than we can even begin to imagine. I believe God has a plan for me, just as I believe God has a plan for you.

And I believe that God is good.

All the time.

Supermom

My house is a mess. The laundry is a week behind. My kid’s closets still contains clothes my children haven’t fit into in over a year. I am frequently sleep deprived and rarely eat a hot meal. It’s no surprise to find me in my pajamas at 2 pm some days.

The other day, the girls and I journeyed out to the grocery store. While we were there, we saw a woman walking up an isle with her 6, count them, 6 children. The oldest couldn't have been older than 7 or 8 years old. They were perfect. They didn't ask for anything. They didn't touch anything. They didn't have to stop at the potty 8 times in 30 minutes. The mom’s hair was styled, her clothes were unwrinkled, she was calm and patient and her make up was painted on perfectly. Clearly, this was some strange creature from another planet...perhaps “Supermom” really does exist.  

Our eyes met. She gave me a kind smile. I smiled and quickly looked away, obviously embarrassed. The girls were tag teaming tantrums and potty breaks. I was still in the yogas I went to bed in. What should have been a 20 minute grocery stop was quickly becoming a two hour escapade. Yup, this is one of many reasons why we rarely leave the house. I am obviously no super mom. We both checked out and went our separate ways.

Only a couple weeks passed when I happened to cross paths with supermom again. However, things looked a little different this time: pajamas were still on 3 of the 6 kids, faces were messy, tantrums were happening, supermom was stressed. I gave her an understanding smile and she said, “some days I seriously think I’m going to lose it!” I replied with, “Oh, I understand! And I only have TWO children!!” 

Once again, we took our carts and parted ways...hopefully, her with a little hope that she was not alone, and me, with a whole new perspective on life.

You see, up until that point, I was under the impression that other moms had it all together. I believed that other mom’s didn't lose their temper or have messy homes, or have kids who sometimes misbehaved in public. I wanted to be more like supermom.

That is, of course, until I realized that during our second meeting, supermom was wanting to be more like me. We were both walking around with these masks– trying to only let the world see our best...our best intentions, our children’s best behaviors, our best, most put together, selves…

But why? Why do we feel the need to hide what is real? Isn't there some beauty in the raw, dirty truth of a child’s messy face, a pile of laundry, and NOT having it all together all the time? To be completely honest, sometimes it feels good to come home, look at my to-do list, ignore it, and sit down with a cup of tea and good book.  I’m not saying we should neglect responsibilities...I’m just saying, none of us are perfect, and we all need downtime...and that is okay.

It is a dirty, messy world, and we are dirty, messy people. When we embrace that, and allow ourselves to be vulnerable with one another, we allow grace, truth, acceptance and forgiveness into our lives.

And I’m pretty sure that’s a beautiful thing.

God is good. All the time.

Speak Up & Reach Out

September is suicide awareness month. I’m aware it’s now October...I don’t care. In my opinion, EVERY month should be suicide awareness month.  People don’t like to talk about it, people don’t want to talk about it.

Well, I’m gonna.

When I was in 8th grade, my uncle committed suicide. In 11th grade, another close relative attempted suicide. In the 12th grade, a friend of mine killed himself. The next year, my freshman year of college, another very close friend took his own life. Three years later, a college classmate committed suicide. In my five years as Youth Director here at OSLC, I have taken over 300 suicide calls. That is not okay.

Suicide is real. It’s real and it’s out there and it’s almost ALWAYS tied to depression. So, since we can’t cure suicide per say, let’s at least make an honest attempt to understand depression.

Depression is a disease….it’s not a choice, it’s not a “mood swing.”  Like many diseases, it can be difficult to diagnose. Depression is not always tied to crying and laying in bed for days on end - though it certainly can be. Frequently, depression is well-masked—the star of the basketball team, the kid who’s always laughing, the straight A student, the person whose life seems “perfect.”

The problem with depression is that it’s not socially acceptable. Most people won’t just come out and say, “hey, I’m pretty sure I’m depressed.” Society tends to accept our bodies breaking down…it is much less accepting of our minds breaking down. We are encouraged to be strong, fight through it, or get over it.

 I’ve never heard anyone tell a diabetic to “get over it.”

One of my personal rules as a youth director is to treat each heartache, each break up and each tear with the tenderness and love it requires. I’m well aware there will be a new boyfriend or girlfriend next week; they will be friends again tomorrow; and I will be approached for comfort again and again. So often, we as adults fail to understand that even though temporary trials may not necessarily deserve compassion, they do require it.  Loving your neighbor as yourself is, I believe, one of God's answers to how to help prevent suicide.

When a teen or young adult, comes to me with what I will call momentary drama, I have two choices:

I can tell them to build a bridge and get over it, OR I can walk over that bridge myself, allow myself to understand the raw emotion they are feeling at that moment in time...and be present. 

The only way we are going to lower the statistic of deaths caused by suicide and depression is to open our eyes, ears, and hearts to the people around us.

Talk to your kids. Talk to their friends. Walk over that bridge and meet them where they are at.  Pray for them...pray with them. Whether you believe it or not, regardless your current relationship, YOU are your children’s number one role model.

If you have questions, there are a LOT of resources. Here are a few:

National Suicide Prevention Hotline:

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Suicide Prevention Resource Center

www.sprc.org

National Institute for Mental Health

www.nimh.nih.gov

And always remember, God is good. All the time. Even in the tough stuff.

The Last Will Be First And The First Will Be Last

Parables are great...but they sure can be tricky little buggers. The parable of the workers in the vineyard (Matthew 20) is one in particular I have really struggled with.

If you aren't familiar with this parable, please take 3 minutes and go read it. Seriously-Go. Right now. This article will still be here when you return.

Alright, so to summarize:                                       
 *Man hires workers for a very fare wage (1 denarius)
 *He needs more workers, so he hires more without discussing their wage                                              
 *This repeats every few hours until only one work hour remains                                            
 *When the workday ends-each worker was paid the exact same amount regardless if worked 12 hours or 1 hour                                      
 *The full day workers became irritated because they expected more even though they agreed upon their wage from the start                                                              
*Man tells them they shouldn't be angry over his generosity

The moral of the story, final line, and cause for confusion for many people is this, “So the last will be first, and the first will be last.”

What? What does that even mean? The last will be first, and the first will be last?

Well, here’s my take:

How can the last be first and the first be last? The best way I have heard this explained is through racing. If the first person is, at the same time, last, and the last person is, at the same time, first, they have to be tied. How else can you be first and last at the same time? 

Okay. So let’s run with that (pun intended). Just for story’s sake, we are going to call the workers at the beginning of the story (those who worked the full 12 hours) the “forever Christians”-you know, born, baptized, always have been Christians. As the day goes on, each set of workers will represent those who “find faith” along the way.  Some people begin their walk with God at birth, others first begin their walk with God as death nears (the workers who worked for one hour at the end of the parable).

You still with me?

Okay, so the Man who hired the workers represents God.

Fast forward to the end of the story: Those who worked 12 hours received 1 denarius. Those who worked 1 hour, 3 hours, 6 hours, and 9 hours also received 1 denarius.

They all received the same...It didn't matter how much work they did. They all received the same.

Let’s put it together.

Whether we are born Christians or don’t become Christians until our final hour, we finish the same. God is the generous figure who hires us, and pays us all the same (eternity in heaven). It’s not a contest about who was the best Christian or who was the closest to perfect. The “reward” for knowing God early on is simply that: the joy of more days in a relationship with God.

It is important for us to be reminded every once in a while, just how much God loves us. Things may not seem fair- “I was a ‘good’ Christian my whole life-they screwed around until just now.” “I worked 12 hours in the hot field-they barely lifted a finger”...but I challenge you to look at it another way. It’s called grace. And it is a gift we have all been given. God is beyond our understanding of “fair”…There is no penalty for loving and wanting a relationship with God-just acceptance. Whether we are 2, 22, or 122, God wants us and will welcome us with open arms. Why?

Because God is good. All the time.

Bad Things Happen to Good People

I believe yesterday marked the one billionth time I was asked the question I find most difficult to answer: Why do bad things happen?

To tell you the truth, I wish I knew. I have a lot of thoughts on the topic-a few of which I will share with you now. But, in all honesty, I do not know. No one knows. All we can do is have faith that God is a loving, merciful, generous God who wants nothing but the best for us.

Here Goes.

It all goes back to the "In the beginnings." Remember the whole Adam and Eve story? Well, I find one of the most pressing points of that story to be God giving mankind the freedom to choose. God allows us to make choices. This does not mean that God always likes the choices we make. "Bad things happen to good people." We hear that quote all too often. Good people make bad choices. Joshua 1:5 says: "No one will be able to stand their ground against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you."  God is with us whether we are the ones making the bad choices or suffering repercussions of others' poor choices.

Sometimes in life, we feel as though we have nothing left to hold on to. We feel weak, abandoned, and out of control. Sometimes things happen that we can't do anything about. People get sick. Friendships end. Jobs are terminated. It is in these times we need to remember that God is in full control. I have said it before and I will say it again, when bad things happen-whether we are hurting, angry or sad-it is not because we did something wrong, nor is it because we didn't do enough "right." Bad things happen because we, as human beings, were given the freedom to make our own choices, thus creating sin. People do things to hurt one another, evil does exist, and no, it's not fair. It is okay to be angry, God gets angry too...but remember to forgive. It is okay to be sad, but remember when you cry that God is right there, sad and crying with you.

No matter what happens, remember what we read in Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

What does this mean? God will make something good come from every bad situation. We may be blinded by our own pain and anger in the moment, but upon looking back at the incident, even the most painful experiences produce something beautiful.

If you remember nothing else of these ramblings, please remember this: bad things happen to everyone. Sometimes these are big and obvious happenings, other times these are small and unapparent. Regardless of your situation, it is not because you weren't a "good enough" Christian. It is not because you did something wrong. God does not make bad things happen; God takes those bad things and creates alternate routes to fulfill His plan for us-and God's plan is one of glory, love and grace.

God is good. All the time.

Oh, Father Won't You Forgive Me, For I Don't Know What I've Been Doing

I heard a song on the radio the other day that really got me thinking.

The chorus of the song repeated the verse “Oh, Father won’t you forgive them, for they don’t know what they've been doin’”

I found myself immediately questioning how I felt about these lyrics. You see, the line in this song is quoting Jesus. While Jesus was dying on the cross, the very people he was dying for were fighting over his few material possessions. Jesus, who was without sin, asked God to show mercy on these people who didn't understand what was happening...these people who were living, buried in their sins...these people who are you and I.

This might sound abrasive, but who are we to go to God, asking Him to forgive others, when we need just as much (if not more!) forgiveness ourselves? Wouldn't it make more sense to ask God to give us the strength and grace we need to forgive those who have hurt us? Wouldn't we be better off asking God to help us live like Jesus– full of grace, compassion, and forgiveness– even for those who were crucifying him?

In the Lord’s Prayer, we recite the lines:

“forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

This isn't saying, “Forgive me so that I can forgive others.”

No.

This is saying, “Forgive me BECAUSE I have forgiven others.”

We are reminded to forgive not just seven times, but seventy TIMES seven times. This is Jesus’ way of telling us to constantly and continually forgive– as many times as it takes. If God, through Jesus, will show us the grace and mercy to forgive ALL our sins– yes, even the really, really bad ones...then we should try with all our might to do the same for others.

It might take a day. It might take a week. It might take years. We can ask God for the strength to learn how to forgive. We can ask God to forgive us for our un-forgiveness as we work through the– sometimes very difficult– process.

But I don’t think we should ask God to forgive “them” when we are not without sin ourselves.

We all sin. We all struggle to forgive. We all fall short. None of us know what we are doing. What we do know is God is faithful, and just, and loving, and sent his only son to die for our forgiveness and salvation.

So let us learn to forgive as God forgives. Let us be courageous. Let us love our enemies. And let us always remember that

God is good. All the time.